ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
