i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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