I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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