pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
