i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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