summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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