Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
