I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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