Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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