Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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