Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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