and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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