when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
