ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
