dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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