He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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