Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
