2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
