i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
do nipples grow back?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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