Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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