The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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