I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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