there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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