just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
