Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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