White coat. Heels.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
