I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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