There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
