But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
