Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
