thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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