We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I will die if light touches me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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