she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
