Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
