i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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