I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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