Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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