....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
