highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
