a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
