Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
