Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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