Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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