Just fell off a train. Bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my shit smells like andre
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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