Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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