Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i came on her dog
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had to cum in my sink.
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