This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
