you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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