I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
