I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
