I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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