How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
