My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There r osticjed everywhere
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
