Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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