you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
