she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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