I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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