I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
