I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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