God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
