what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wow bdsm is so cute
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
