What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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