don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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