Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
