saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
