Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
