I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
