my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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