Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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